Trigger to Evoke
Definitely a “too long for email” post. There’s a lot here but I didn’t want to get my next Black History Month book lost in what I wrote and the photos and videos below. The book for today (and it really connects with what I share) is the incredible poetic, meaningful, deep, and convicting reflections by Cole Arthur Riley in her first book, This Here Flesh. It is a stunning poetic memoir of her life as a black woman and her growth toward loving who she is and going through her life experiences.
This Here Flesh - Cole Arthur Riley
Also, MaryAnn McKibben Dana and I had a fun conversation on the first season of the AppleTV series, Pluribus. Check it out here. We are scneduling ones for Sinners and also ones on the book and movie, Project Hail Mary. Onto the rest…
The word “trigger” has entered into the popular lexicon in a big way. It previously was something used more in a clinical setting connected to PTSD and events that would preciptiate a flashback or a re-experiencing of a specific traumatc event. In recent years, however, it has widened to refer to just about anything that sets someone off in anger, fear, or even just simple annoyance. It has become so widely used that Psychology Today posted an article earlier this year reflecting on why it is time to stop using the word. Link - Why It’s Time to Stop Using the Word ‘Trigger’ . But “trigger” was the word that described the experience of my week. If I had written in the early part of this week, I would have been writing about how there were a series of things that really “triggered” me that took place - some things in my church ministry setting, some things that viscerally reminded me of a past trauma, and some things that are part of my unique personality and identity (such as being annoyed that I somehow messed up making chicken noodle soup for dinner). As these things piled onto each other, I found myself tense, snippy, and, by the end of one night in particular, deeply exhausted. When I woke up the next morning, the strangest thing reminded me of how I can take action to “trigger” myself in different ways. Bear with me for what might feel a bit like a random excursus.
One of my “humorous” triggers are the red dots on my iphone that denote some kind of notification. I hate seeing the red dots on my home screen. I know that I can turn them off in notifications but there are some that I do find useful to keep on. But they still annoy me. A few months back, however, I had read something about using a new feature on iOS to tint the whole home screen in a certain color as a way to help the “draw” of the phone. So my home screen went from this to this:
I have found that this has definitely changed how I experience and use my phone. The red dots are still there but they no longer stand out in contrast to everything else - they are just a part of the same tone that I have chosen for the rest. So, that next morning that I spoke of above, I had opened up my phone and saw one app that had 5 notifications but I didn’t feel a need to clear the dot. It was simply there. It was with that that I was reminded that I can choose how I respond to these kinds of events, I can listen to what my body was telling me in my initial responses, and I could choose to seek out things that would “trigger” me in a different direction. And instead of using the word trigger, I started using the word “evoke.” What would evoke something different in me? What would evoke a response not of anger, frustration, fear, etc from my amygdala but instead a rush of oxytocin or an activation of the parts of the brain that light up with experiences of beauty, hope, or love? How was I actively working to flush my system of the infux of the adrenailne that had been pulsing through me and replace it with endorphins that relax, calm, and restore?
So there was an intentionality that I sought over the days to follow. Some intense rounds of exercise (including one particualrly vigorous kickboxing workout), intentionality to breathe and soak in the times I was out with Scout in the morning, time with my amazing wife not only to talk through these things but also to just be silly and laugh and watch the Olympics1, soaking in the way that a random shuffle of a playlist brought up two perfectly needed songs that spoke to my soul (both are in the media below), and even a few small indulgences (such as eating a bit more Tillamook Sugar Cookie Dough ice cream than I probably should have). But here’s the thing as I’m writing this - all of those things (maybe not the over indulgence of ice cream) are a part of my regular routines. They weren’t things I had to go out of my way to do. But I had to choose to continue in them and have some intentionality in them. One moment in particular stands out.
Wednesday morning, Scout and I were coming close to the end of our walk and we had walked under an overpass and there were all the sounds of cars going above us. But in between I heard the sounds of a bird singing out. There were the different sounds of car engines and the ka-thumps of wheels crossing over the seams in the pavement, but there was that singular beautiful sound of that one bird calling out. That one bird.
I’m currently reading a book called Refugia Faith by Debra Rienstra2 and there was this that I read this week:
The ethicist Larry Rasmussen observes, “Ours are hard times for many. They are not for the faint of heart. They will get worse. But they are also times of exhilarating song on the part of a species that was born singing and has never ceased.” May we find the courage to let the Spirit’s power overwhelm us too, so that even in these crisis days we might sing a new and exhilarating song.3
So, I am grateful that I was able to find that new song this week and find that which evoked something different in me. Here are some glimpses of what helped to evoke and restore a balance. I hope and pray that, in the midst of whatever is stirring for you today, that you can find places of “refugia” or things that evoke the hopeful, the beautiful, the courageous, the needed.
Musical Interlude - Another Day
This song by Carrie Newcomer is such a gift of speaking to how we can let go of what has been and receive something new…
Musical Interlude - The Beautiful
I first heard this song in a live performance David Wilcox did in the early months of Covid and longed for when he would release it on an album. He finally did on his most recent release.
And of course…Scout
Grace, Peace, Love, Hope, and Joy,
Ed
including pondering whether there is a correlation between the amount of sparkles on a skater’s outfit and their success in their programs
Here’s how author Debra Reinstra defines Refugia at the beginning of the book - “What the scientists know now, but didn’t understand then, is that when the mountain blasted ash and rock across the landscape, the devastation passed over some small places hidden in the lee of rocks and trees. Here, a bed of moss and deer fern under a rotting log. There, under a boulder, a patch of pearly everlasting and the tunnel to a vole’s musty nest.” These little pockets of safety are called refugia. They are tiny coverts where plants and creatures hide from destruction, hidden shelters where life persists and out of which new life emerges. (Rienstra, Debra. Refugia Faith: Seeking Hidden Shelters, Ordinary Wonders, and the Healing of the Earth (pp. 3-4). Kindle Edition.)
Rienstra, Debra. Refugia Faith: Seeking Hidden Shelters, Ordinary Wonders, and the Healing of the Earth (p. 17). Kindle Edition.
Many things to think about. Beautiful pictures and songs. Now, Ed, I hate to cook but I could open a can of soup and put it in a pan and stir. 😹😹😹😹😹😹😹
A most meaningful post to reflect on what triggers us and where we truly find refuge, beauty and peace. Thanks Ed. Val Putnam