That Was 14 Eds Ago

“The guy I married would never have done that.”

This is something my wife said when I returned Monday night after getting my first (and likely only) tattoo.  I had a dream about getting this tattoo the night after my friend Lisa died and then had the same dream the next two nights.  Even though that was well over a month ago now, my scheduled appointment wasn’t until this past Monday night.  Amy knew about me getting it and was fully supportive but her comment was so true.  The Ed from when we got married would never have done this.  Even the Ed of a few years ago probably wouldn’t have.

A few weeks ago, I listened to a wise podcast from Rob Bell entitled “[That Was 13 Robs Ago](https://robbell.podbean.com/e/that-was-13-robs-ago/)” where he shared about how all the previous Robs are part of who he is today but he is not necessarily the same Rob today that he was 5 or 10 or 13 Robs ago and he won’t be the same Rob 5 Robs from now that he is today.  (Also if that wasn’t a Rob Bell type sentence, I don’t know what is).

I am not the same Ed that I was when Amy and I got married and I am not the same Ed that I was when I sought to go deeper in my faith journey when I was in college.  The Ed of my junior year in college would look at the Ed of today and ask, “Who are you and what happened to me?”  It is tempting, however, to look back at previous Eds and want to discount them or to act as if they are no longer a part of who I am today.  And I have tried to do that at times in my life.  However, each of those previous Eds (however many there are) is a part of who I am today and each has contributed in some way to the place I find myself today with a 4 day old labyrinth tattoo that is starting to itch.

And that’s where the other photo speaks to me - it is a patch in our front yard that, when we first moved in, was this weird depression in the grass.  We have no idea what happened, but possibly it was that something grew there once and then was uprooted and never filled back in.  But it has been there for the entire time we have lived here.  There has to be a a story that we don’t know about as there is a “front yard patch” (FYP) from 15+ years ago.  This Spring, however, we decided we were going to try filling it back in with dirt and replanting grass and seeing how it comes together.  And we are thrilled that we are starting to see grass growing.  But I am pretty sure that the dirt will settle and we’ll need to do it again next Spring and then maybe the Spring after that until it is level with the rest of the yard.  But each of those will be a new FYP and each will be connected to the ones who came before it.

In Philippians 3, Paul writes about his past “Pauls”.  He starts with his infancy and goes to the present day when he says that he was  “circumcised on the eighth day, a member of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew born of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless.  Yet whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ.”  Paul isn’t erasing all of those past Pauls but acknowledging who he was with them and focusing on how all those have led them to who he is in Christ.

I will say that one other stirring for me in all of this whether we give people space to grow and change.  Do we simply hold people to the things that they said and were 10, 20, 30, or 50 years ago when they have shown that they are no longer the same person?  Do we let people be different Andres, different Tabithas, different Michaels, different Janes?  What grace do we give people to become new and to continue to change and grow?

I am deeply grateful for the Ed that I am today and I love who God is shaping me to be even as I know there are a lot of Eds still ahead in the future.  (I do want the tattoo of this current Ed to stop itching though).

What “you” are you on today? What changes have you seen in the yous of who you have been? Would the you of 20, 30, 50 years ago recognize the you of today?