Moving from Competition to Community (Better Than Normal 6)
Quick programming note - the next Pop Culture Pastors Hour will be this coming Monday at 1pm ET where we will be talking about the HBO Max medical show and big Emmy winner, The Pitt! And we’ll be joined by two real life chaplains - Rev. Dr. Amy Snow and Rev Christine Vaughan Davies to talk about not only some of the medical situations seen on the show thus far but what having a chaplain in the mix would have done for the show.
Ok, onto the 6th and final shift from Better Than Normal. But starting with a way-back Ed flashback and a bit of a true confession…
I was on our fifth and sixth grade basketball teams at the Catholic school I attended while growing up. (This was before I basically stopped growing at 5’7” a few years later). Our team was dominant. We had the tallest player in the league and one of our guards was the nephew of an NBA player. During our fifth grade year we were barely even challenged throughout the season and the Denver parochial league playoffs. We won the title game in a runaway. Unfortunately, I came down with chicken pox right at the beginning of the playoffs and so I missed the championship game celebration. The only bright spot was that I remember that I saw an ad while watching The Price is Right that Star Wars was going to be shown on network TV! But it wasn’t much of a bright spot considering what I had missed with my team.
Well there was always next season and we continued where we left off. We dominated everyone we played. We, of course, reached the playoffs and faced a team in the semifinals that we had crushed earlier in the year. Well, something was in the air that day and it was a tight game throughout. It came down to a final shot and one of our players missed. I happened to be on the floor as the final shot clanged off the rim. I jumped valiantly for a rebound but came nowhere near it. And like that, the game was over. We lost.
We went back to the locker room and I slammed a locker so hard that it broke. I was so mad. Several other teammates were doing the same. Our coach game in and shouted in a very non-Catholic way, “Cut it the hell out! You lost! But that’s not how we lose!”
I would love to say that I took his words to heart and that my fiery competitive nature decreased as the years went but that was not the case. As I shifted to tennis in junior high and high school, there were more than a few times that a racquet was slammed after a bad shot or after losing a match. Similary, the same would happen while watching sports - yelling at the TV, getting furious after one of my teams lost, etc. Decades after that 6th grade basketball game, in my and my wife’s first year of marriage, I was watching Colorado play Colorado State and CU blew a big lead late and lost in a really ugly fashion. I was so mad grouched at her and she (rightly) threw it back at me. That moment began a shift for me about trying to temper my competitive nature. Now, I can’t say that I am not competitive but it (thankfully) has definitely shifted. But my kids can tell you that I still do not like to lose when we play cards or other games...But I will say that I think I’m the least competitive person in my family…lol
This is not to say that competition is always a bad thing. But the question is whether our competitiveness is simply to push us to dominate and overpower others or whether it is to help build up and grow community. MaryAnn details a beautiful shift from competition to community in the final chapter of Better Than Normal where she shares a list of the characteristics of community. I don’t want to list all of them (I don’t want to spoil the book after all) but I could sum them up personally with this.
Community arises when we are seeking to build up with one another into something greater than ourselves rather than just trying to see who will end up on top.
I experienced something of this in an unexpected way on Thursday morning. My friend Troy Bronsink has been doing a really cool thing on his substack page where he’s sharing songs that he’s written over the years over a period of 100 days. He sent that day’s song to me and to MaryAnn (Troy is a common friend) which is linked directly below. His comment on the song to us was “A modern gothic lament for Maundy Thursday. Blessings on your weekend!”
After I listened to the song on my way back from the lake after Scout and my walk, I sent this back in the group text.
Just listened while driving back from Winton lake with Scout on this super foggy morning. Lots to process in the song but wow. Simply. Wow.
Later in the day I downloaded that morning’s photos beacuse there was one moment on Scout and my walk that seemed to connect with Troy’s song. In the group text, I replied with this photo and message:
Troy after I downloaded my photos, this one felt like your song to me - that there’s something beautiful that is out there (authentic justice) like the purple blooms but it just feels at times like it is reaching into a world that is unclear about what that actually is.
Troy’s response?
Yessss! Thank you
MaryAnn replied with this photo and comment:
And how fitting… I have one of those right out my window!
I so loved how the three of us were able to build on each other and build upon the overlapping friendships that we share to create this thing.
That is a beautiful example, from my perspective, of the shift from competition to community. Three friends, each using their own gifts and their own experiences, not to compete but to build toward something bigger. 💙
I do hope you pick up MaryAnn’s book. It is a truly encouraging, challenging, and honest read that so speaks into where we find ourselves at this point.
Again, you can order it at any of the usual online and in-person retailers or you can order it directly from the publisher at 40% using this link and the code NORMAL40.
Scout Pic - Dog in the fog…
Grace, Peace, Love, Hope, and Joy,
Ed