Handing Over Times

My personal paraphrase of the saying, “music soothes the savage beast” is “music unlocks my hidden feelings.”  I know it isn’t nearly as smooth but it is so true for me.  I struggle with expressing emotion and even understanding what I am feeling (cough Enneagram 5 cough and thank you feelings wheel!).  One of my seminary internship (CPE) supervisors gave me a book for during the internship called Feelings, What Are they?  because I literally didn’t know how to answer when she asked me how I was feeling at certain points when processing verbatim from visits.  So yeah, feelings and I have issues.

What I have noticed is that music often helps me get to emotions especially at significant life moments.  I’m sure I could dig into the reasons behind it but it is just a reality for me.  A few examples - One was a series of songs (U2, Greatest Showman, Amanda Opelt) in 2018 when I was transitioning out of my church position at the time. It happened again a few years ago when we were moving our first children into college (Carrie Newcomer - Every Little Bit of It) and it happened again earlier this week as I was walking listening to my “My Journey” playlist.  Carrie Newcomer and Gary Walters’  song, The Handing Over Time, came up on shuffle and there it was.  Feelings emerged of sadness, hopefulness, grief, gratitude, anxiety, and joy.  These all were part of what was welling up as I listened to this beautiful song about the changing of seasons.  Here are the video and the lyrics:

The creek bed dries and then it fills
The shadows lengthen as shadows will
The last wild roses go to seed
The summer birds, they take their leave
As the light goes golden, golden

Here we are, here I am
Here we stand in the handing over time
All that shines, all that rusts
In the light and borrowed dust
It all comes 'round and 'round again

Curtains of leaves drift away
The fields are filled with wheels of hay
The yellow finches fade to gray
At least the ones who choose to stay
As the light goes golden, golden

Here we are, here I am
Here we stand in the handing over time
All that shines, all that rusts
In the light and borrowed dust
It all comes 'round and 'round again

Something fine and true and deep
Happened when I was asleep
Something there right in my palm
It was here and then it's gone

The creek bed dries and then it fills
The shadows lengthen as shadows will
As the light goes golden, golden

Here we are, here I am
Here we stand in the handing over time
All that shines, all that rusts
In the light and borrowed dust
It all comes 'round and 'round again

This emerged because this weekend we are celebrating our youngest child graduating from high school.  There’s a handing over time in this graduation weekend. We are going from years of being parents of kids at home to where we only have one “official” school activity left this weekend when commencement takes place. A few weeks ago, there was the final strings concert.  A few weeks before that, the final drama performance.  There was even a few days ago the final “school morning breakfast” that I made after I have no idea how many others (I’m the early riser between me and my wife).  There have been many “last” moments these last few months.

And a few months from now, each of our kids will be off at college and Amy and I will be entering a new time for us as a couple and a new time for us as parents.  A handing over time.  We’ll drop each kid off at college and each of those campus moments are handing over times.  These handing over times contain all of those feelings I shared earlier - sadness, hopefulness, grief, gratitude, anxiety, and joy (and probably others that I don’t know how to name).

And around this are other handing over times in the season in which we are in.  This morning, I saw a beautiful duck mom and ducklings on Winton Lake - we are in the seasons of new babies being born all around us.

I love seeing these beautiful signs of new life at this time of year.  Ducklings and goslings most often.  Like the video I shared in my last post, I love seeing the way that parents seem to be very much the same whether they paddle on a lake or drive a minivan.

And another handing over time for us right now is our big magnolia tree behind our house.  It is dropping its leaves as normal at this time of year and the beautiful white flowers are beginning to bloom.  I saw these flowers blooming on other magnolia trees a few weeks ago when picking up our daughter from college but we were well enough north that our “Maggie” hadn’t started blooming yet.  Until a few days ago.  I saw this petal that had fallen this morning from one of the many blooms starting to emerge.

This is always a big moment in our house - seeing those first blooms of the magnolia.  It is a sign that we are definitely moving into late Spring and to early Summer.  Handing over the winter to these new seasons of new beginnings and growth (and ugh heat and humidity).  There’s also a graduation symbol behind the petal - two smokers that are making our reception main course - smoked pork...so good.

In Carrie’s song, the line that lands with me every time is when she sings:

Something fine and true and deep
Happened when I was asleep
Something there right in my palm
It was here and then it’s gone

Each of these handing over times right now feel that way for me.  How something that feels like it was right here and now it is shifting to something new.  But something new will emerge and there will be familiarity in it but it will be ever different.  So today, I am holding to this handing over time.  I am trying to give myself to these moments of crazy, beautiful, mixed feelings and not looking back in sadness of what is being lost but instead anticipation to what will be.  What will come ‘round and ‘round again.

Isaiah speaks to me here - a beautiful reminder of the regularity of change and transformation - God’s still-speaking, still-moving, still-working Spirit...

I am about to do a new thing;
now it springs forth; do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.¹

Handing over times indeed.

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Speaking of the transitions of life…here’s the first 5 months of the benches…(Synced to The Handing Over Time - thank you Lightroom for this cool feature!

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And just a quick reminder that I’ll be starting my Imago Scriptura Book Club on June 1 centering on MaryAnn McKibben Dana’s book, Hope: A User’s Manual. Nothing to sign up for, but I definitely encourage you to read the book along the journey. I’ll be reflecting on a chapter every other day from June 1 through the end of August. Here’s the introductory post.

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Grace, Peace, Love, and Joy,
Ed

PS - Required Scout photo…caught this moment when I was delivering some pulled pork to church for a potluck…the moment looked like she was looking to the heavens for getting some of the yummy meats. (And yes her prayer was answered paw-sitively).

Tagged:

Carrie Newcomer

,

MaryAnn McKibben Dana

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1. Isaiah 43:19 NRSVue