Fleeting
The last few days there have been a number of reminders of the fleeting-ness of things in life such as reading entries in my journal from years past that feel like they just happened yesterday. There were images and memories from a family trip that was ten (!!!!!) years ago yet it doesn’t feel like 3,000+ days have passed since that beautiful time. Or reading about decisions made five years ago that I can still clearly remember nearly ever detail. As Ferris Bueller said, “life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
So, I am soaking up my time on retreat this week. I am trying to not get caught up in feeling like I have to “do” a lot but instead just soaking up the beauty of this place, taking time to rest, renew, and pray, and just be.
There was a reminder for me of the fleeting sense of time when I first arrived on Monday afternoon. There’s a small pond near the prayer labyrinth that looked to be coming out of a time of being fully frozen over. There on the thin remains of the ice was this single pink flower. From where I was, I could not tell if it was a real flower or a fake one but the pink color stood in stark contrast to the grey skies, the brown empty trees surrounding, and the dark water all around. It was such a beautiful moment and I am grateful for being able to be able to see that moment because the next day, the flower was gone. The ice had fully melted and I presume that it sank into the water. But the memory of it and the heart sense of it is still with me.
For Christmas, my oldest child gave me a book of Carrie Newcomer’s poetry and the very first poem has really stayed with me this week, especially the following lines. The poem is entitled, “Learning to Sit With Not Knowing” and here are the verses that are echoing in my heart...
I’m learning to sit with whatever comes
(Even though I’m a planner.)
Because so much of this life
Can’t be measured or predicted,
Because wonder and suffering visit
When we least expect
And rarely in equal measure.I’m learning to sit with
What I might never know
Might never learn,
Might never heal.I’m learning to sit with
What might waltz in and surprise me,
Might crash into my days,
With unspeakable sorrow
Or uncontainable delight.I’m learning to sit with not knowing.
(Carrie Newcomer, Until Now: New Poems)
This poem speaks to me of the fleeting nature of things. Sorrow or delight may come but they will both pass as other experiences move into our lives. So I’m simply going to sit these next few days in the space where I find myself whatever may come.