Be Curious, Not Judgmental
The Ongoing Needed Wisdom of Ted Lasso
I am so grateful that Ted Lasso is back!1 The first episode of the fourth season premiered this past week and I so missed the spirit of this show. If you haven’t watched Ted, I cannot commend it highly enough. Something that many have shared about the show is that one of the central themes is kindness and I don’t disagree with that at all. Over and over, the series shows the power of what simple kindness and humanity can do. Truly a needed message.
But, for me, the theme that I go back to time and again from the show is from a scene in the first season that can be simply summed up as “be curious, not judgmental.” Here’s part of the scene:
That theme comes up many more times in the first three seasons and it arrives again in the first episode of the fourth. But it arrives not with Ted but with the experience of another character, Leslie Higgins. In the episode when three of the English characters (one of which is Higgins) visit Ted in Kansas City to try to convince him to coach Richmond’s new women’s team, Higgins has his heart set on going to the American Jazz Museum. His hopes are dashed when he arrives to find that the museum is closed that day for a private event. He discovers, however, that next door is the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum where he meets Charles, one of the docents.
I won’t go into the details of the scene (too much to type and much better for you to watch) but the curiosity goes both ways. Higgins could have said “no thanks” to the Negro Leagues Museum since the Jazz Museum was closed, but he didn’t. He embraced a curiosity, opened himself to new experiences, and was changed by what he learned. Similarly, Charles could have gone after Higgins for (unintentionally) being quite insensitive but he didn’t. He, too, was curious and not judgmental and, because of that, helped another person to learn and grow.
Be curious, not judgmental.
That’s one of the things I love about Jesus in the Gospels. As much as too many people today are twisting the Christian story into one about judgment and condemnation, that’s not what Jesus was about and not what Jesus did. While there are times that Jesus is definitely judgmental, that’s not his primary way. When people asked questions of him, he usually responded not with pronouncements but instead with questions or with stories (that have multiple interpretations). When Jesus met people, he didn’t judge them the way that others were doing but instead he was curious and open. He asked questions. He sought insights.
In the congregation I serve, we just finished a series on the table stories of Jesus. I was so taken by the ways that Jesus had opportunities to respond with harsh judgments but instead responded with questions and with stories. In one of them - Luke 7:36-50 - we read of an unnamed woman interrupting a meal at the home of a Pharisee named Simon. She comes behind Jesus and “bathes his feet with her tears”, then dries them with her hair before then kissing them and anointing them with ointment. Simon, the Pharisee and host, speaks words of judgment against her seemingly under his breath. But Jesus picks up on this and has the opportunity to just let Simon have it. But instead here’s what Jesus does...
Jesus spoke up and said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.”...and then Jesus tells one of his stories and then ends it with a question. The story and the question, while pointed, do not shame or embarrass Simon, but instead are rooted in curiosity and openness and give Simon an opportunity (that he seemingly chooses to let pass him by) to be curious rather than judgmental about this woman.
Be curious, not judgmental.
I didn’t put it together until Saturday morning, but I think that’s something that’s at the heart of something I say nearly every morning Scout and I go out for our morning walk. I tell her, “Let’s see what the world has for us today!” That’s a statement of curiosity. It isn’t a judgmental statement thinking I know exactly what is ahead of us but instead an openness to what will emerge and what will be discovered. As I watch Scout sniffing around as we walk, I am often so curious about how she experiences the world. What would it be like to have a sniffer infinitely more sensitive than the less-than-functional one that I have? And maybe Scout is also curious about how I see the world, especially when I keep bringing that weird black thing (camera) up to my face as we walk.
I don’t share this as if I have this down pat - far from it. I have had too many times when I received emails that I experienced as judgmental and I responded in kind as I crafted a detailed response in a similar judgmental tone to everything that was said. And things don’t go well when that happens, do they? Gratefully there have been a growing number of times when I’ve responded to moments like that with curiosity questions - trying to understand where the other is coming from and opening the door to constructive dialogue rather than an angry back and forth.
So, in the spirit of curiosity and wondering what the world has for us...here’s what the world had for Scout and me when we went out this morning.
The world is a place where the extraordinary can sit just beside the ordinary with the thinnest of boundaries -Jodi Picoult
Programming Note
Speaking of Ted Lasso, MaryAnn and I have our first “Ted Talk” on Monday at 1pm ET! We’ll be doing short podcasts each week on each episode of Ted Lasso. And there’s a chance that this one might be the two of us together in person! We’ll see if it works out!
Grace, Peace, Love, Hope, and Joy,
Ed
And MaryAnn and I have our first “Ted Talk” on Monday!!!